Sanguine Sucker

Sucks To Be Me by Kimberly Pauley

This book gets a superb 5 out of 5 gnomes for humor, an original take on vampires and quite a story about what happens when you are choosing whether of not to be a vampire.

I love the myths and truths about vampires that are posted at the beginning of each chapter.  Also Mina's lists/diary as she's trying to make her decision.  

Mina's parents are vampires and she's known about them for a long time.  Then the vampire council finds out that she knows and makes her take classes to choose whether or not she will become a vampire.  Apparently becoming a vampire is a very regimented process where you take classes and get as much information as possible.


There are some great characters in this book.  Uncle Mortie is my favorite character, he's a loud, food loving, balding, traveling salesman vampire.  As Mortie says, "I'm both objective and objectionable."  His interactions with Mina and well everyone around him really make a contrast to the seriousness of the other vampires that she's learning about.

The teacher of the vampire classes is someone that Mina calls Grandma Wolfington behind her back because she reminds her of the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood.  It would be a little disconcerting to be taught about being a vampire by a vampire that looks like a grandmother yet scarier.

Mina's character can best be described by the following quote from page 165,

"Mom says I'm a trouble magnet.  If there's some kind of trouble brewing, chances are it will search me out and try to take me down with it.  Dad says I just have a steel backbone and never back down.  Me, I think it's just I can't stand stupid people.  They annoy me."

Dracula is a thread that runs throughout the book.  Mina is named after the character from Dracula.  Mina has to deal with reading Dracula and coming up with a project while also learning about what it means to be a vampire during her Tuesday lessons.

There are actually three love interests in the book.  The field gets narrowed down pretty quick though.  Nathan is the boy that Mina's been crushing on for awhile now.  Aubrey is a very cute wanna be vampire who wants to ask Mina a lot of questions.  George is a friend that helps her out in vampire lessons and becomes friends with Mina and her best friend Serena, though he has the potential to be something more.  

One situation with the love interests brings about one of my favorite lines from the book. It happens during a hot tub truth or dare session.  Mina is thankful that the guys aren't wearing Speedos because if they were she wouldn't be sure where to look and she thinks, "You just can't help it. It's like their crotches become magnets or something."


Mina's best friend Serena adds a lot of peppiness and fun to the book.  She is very comfortable with who she is but does tend to go through clothing phases.  Mina's parents are also quite the normal seeming vampire.  I so would have done a spit take if I'd been drinking when Mina and her Mom had the sex talk.   


Overall this book shows a rather normal teenage girl who has a very supernatural decision to make.  The fun is seeing how many rules Mina will break along the way.