I, Crimsonstreak Blog Tour - Guest Post from Mortimer P. Willoughby

* Thanks Matt Adams for this truly awesome guest post.

** Someday hopefully soon Mortimer's own book, Mortimer P. Willoughby's Guide to Superhero Etiquette will  be available for purchase.  (I know that's one book that I can't wait to buy.)**

More than a Butler: The Many Faces of Mortimer P. Willoughby

It seems that merely being a butler isn’t enough when one serves as a butler these days. In the past decades, my role has expanded quite ludicrously, following my employer’s decision to become involved in the dubious world of superheroism.

Let us look now at some of the skills I’ve acquired in my days as manservant to the Kensington Family and the Crusading Comet.

Chauffeur/Pilot. “Oh, a chauffeur,” some of you are probably thinking. “Isn’t that something all butlers do?” Many butlers indeed perform this function. Yet, I ask, how many of those butlers must learn how to pilot the Comet Intrusion Glider for Aerial Reconnaissance (CIGAR)? How many have experience filling up the jet-fueled Comet Cruiser and traveling at speeds that would make Formula 1 drivers blush? Not many, I would wager.

Nutritionist/Gourmet Chef. A superhero’s body is a finely honed weapon, yet that weapon also needs nutritious meals to keep it in tiptop shape. As aide-de-camp to the Crusading Comet, it is my duty to make sure such foods are always provided. It is also my responsibility to help Master Kensington entertain guests and host social events. I shudder to mention my expertise in producing Comet Rations as well.

Manny/Teacher. In certain circles, lamentably, the term “manny” is sometimes substituted for “nanny” in reference to a male nanny or tutor. When Warren Kensington Sr. began his ventures into superheroism, it fell to me to help care for his son. After his son, Warren Jr., had Warren III, I was also caretaker/toilet trainer/disciplinarian, a role I continued to play upon the birth of Warren IV. I am also entrusted with the education of my wards, and you can rest assured that the Kensington children have received the finest available educational opportunities.

Tailor/Armorer. A man of noble birth must dress like a man of noble birth. A superhero must dress like a superhero. Both need someone to alter and mend their clothing, be it a tuxedo or special underwater espionage gear. This task has fallen to me, and I am quite happy to say that I have been a modest success as both stylist and armor fabricator.

Spin Doctor/Counterintelligence Agent. In the worlds of both Warren Kensington and the Crusading Comet, it falls upon me to operate with a certain amount of discretion. I must balance the life of a high-profile socialite with that of a superhero who wishes to keep a low profile. Both can be equally challenging. Master Kensington, you see, gets into a remarkable amount of trouble in both roles. I find myself covering for him frequently, whether from busybody “social page” reporters or special investigators assigned to follow the Comet’s every move (not to mention nefarious henchmen and hired guns!).

Weapons Specialist/Reluctant Sidekick. I have become much more acquainted with various tools of destruction than I ever intended. I can assure you that I never imagined working with ridiculous accoutrements such as nunchucks, Comet stars, Comet spikes, and gauntlets. Yet the assistant to the Crusading Comet must be able to handle such weapons and use them if necessary. Some of my master’s enemies have discovered this the hard way…or as I call it, the Mortimer P. Willoughby Way.

Unwilling Test Subject. When the Crusading Comet designs new carbon fiber armor, it is best not tested in the field. Thus, it is my pleasure to strap on the armor and allow Master Kensington to test its durability against a variety of insidious weapons. Of my various roles, this is by far my least favorite.

Life as a butler is quite satisfying, and if I ever endeavor to branch out into another profession, I shall boast a rather full and varied résumé.