My Life as a Fictional Librarian
All was
pretty normal until things started to get a little bit fictional. I know sounds
like a tagline for a bad romantic comedy or action movie, but believe me this
is no normal library.
I had of
course heard of special libraries but this was a special squared kind of
library.
The
Beginning:
I was
just out of college and needed a job ASAP. The problem is though they tell you
that all these librarians are gearing up to retire, they never do. I had been
on more than a couple of interviews and still nothing. One day while perusing
the internet I saw one of those ads that just pop up it said:
Are you
teeming with a plethora of potential? Do you get along with all sorts of people
and personalities? Are you patient as well as good at teaching computer skill?
If these all pertain to you then apply today to the Thaddeus Molehill Learning
Library.
After so
much failure I thought, hey why not try this out. After I sent my application
in things started to get interesting fast…
Getting
to the Interview:
I
received a very fancy letter (it was actually closed with a wax seal.) After
asking myself what this was all about because who heard of wax seals being used
on anything anymore? I would soon come to learn that the Thaddeus Molehill
Library was a myriad of very old school along with the new technology. When I
got to the library I was greeted at the front desk by a rather short man with a
prodigious beard.
It turns
out that the guy’s name is Neil and he’s a Special Projects Library Assistant.
He tells me to wait right there and the committee will be ready to meet with me
shortly. Then five minutes later this chanting starts and a door down the hall
just pops open. As I walk towards the door I think to myself, “What exactly did
I apply for?”
The
Interview:
When I
walked in the room, there was a large table with five rather unique souls
sitting around it. The first was a man in a full suit of armor, the second was
a woman who seemed to be actually glowing a bit, the third was a very short man
with a tremendously full beard, the fourth was a lady who seemed to be covered
in a variety of flowers, and last but not least was a large man who I swear
seemed to be made out of stone.
For a
second I thought maybe I’d eaten a bad sandwich or something but then the stone
guy stood up and introduced himself as the Director of the Library, Gregory
Goyle. I am apparently very good at keeping a poker face or I went into a kind
of trance because I started answering all their questions without batting an
eye.
First Day
of Work:
Today I
figured out that to clock in I have to actually punch the time clock…
Apparently this place loves being literal. I walked in the door and saw a gold
clock actually go running by and then the Director yells, “Don’t let Kronos get
away, you have to punch him!” I caught it and lightly punched it only to hear
an automated voice say, “Now Clocked In.”
After
that going to my desk seemed perfectly normal, then the first patron of the day
walked in… Everything seemed normal when he went to the study table. A couple
of minutes later though I heard a tea kettle whistle and noticed that a whole
formal tea had appeared on the table and my coworkers were nowhere to be seen.
This is
how I was introduced to Mr. Haber, a problem patron that many on staff don't
like to deal with. I on the other hand thought he was very charming if not a
bit odd. He started quizzing me on types of tea and then I helped him find a
nice website where he could order all the tea his heart desired. After he left
I turned around and saw everybody staring at me, then one of my fellow
assistants said, "Wow, the new hire has skills."
Lost and
Found:
Today a
girl came to pick up her red hoodie from our lost and found. Then things got a
little weird. I turned around to pick it up and the box was gone then when I
turned again I saw just the sleeve sticking out so I pulled and then I heard a
growling sound. After dropping it, out from under the desk bounds what looks
like a small wolf holding the hoodie. After screaming the girl just looked at
me and said, “Don’t worry about Wolfy he just wants to play.”
Special
Program for Clowns:
The
things I didn’t know before joining this very special library are vast but
today was something special. I learned that there are more clown types than I
thought possible and probably gathered up a plethora of nightmare fuel while I
was at it.
I was put
in charge of this program because I'm new and everyone else doesn't deal so well
with these patrons. The goal is to train
Clowns, not clowns mind you but Clowns with a capital C. Believe me, there are
no humans under these Clown’s makeup. The most positive outcome of the day was
convincing many of them not to sharpen their teeth.
