a Rafflecopter giveaway
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Giveaway - Win two books by Michael Dahl
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Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Winner of the MR BLANK Giveaway
Winner of the special edition eBook of MR BLANK is -
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Mary P.
Congrats to Mary, I'll be emailing her shortly and she'll have up to a week to email me back or a new winner will be chosen. Thanks again to everybody that entered the giveaway.
Shining Stars
Troll Hunters by Michael Dahl
* Provided by the publisher for review
4 out of 5 gnomes
This is a middle grade novel that packs quite a punch. From just seeing the cover you know that you’re in for quite an adventure. The illustrations in the book done by Ben Kovar truly bring the story to life and enhance the story greatly.
The story is told in multiple perspectives which does help the story along. These points of view let you know exactly what’s going on even when the characters are still in the dark. Considering the ending though I wish that there was more from a certain character’s perspective.
The mythology of the world is very well done. This is the first time I think I’ve seen trolls as being scary creatures and you know not as just having big hair and jewels in their bellies. The powers that the kids discover are also intriguing because of how different each power is and the potential that there is to have a plethora of new heroes too. Let’s just say that if you like mythology or astrology then you’ll probably want to read this book.
Dr. Hoo is the mysterious mentor of the story who just kind of storms into the kid’s lives. What the kids find out from him changes everything. You slowly learn more about him and see what his motivation for fighting the war is. I think there’s a whole lot more to learn about him and that his history will be of great importance.
All the kids are relatable and have some big personalities. I think my favorite character out of all the kids is Louise. She seems the most fun and has the coolest power in my opinion.
The war against the trolls is brutal and full of surprises. I like the many different enemies that they have. Having the whole town in danger and the trolls being almost unstoppable makes for a really entertaining read.
The ending was rather unexpected, I didn’t expect the book to go to such a dark place. It all made sense though in the whole grand scheme of them all being heroes. I just of course wish that the ending was more upbeat.
This is the start to a very promising looking series and it’ll be interesting to see what the author does next.
Check out the book trailer:
* Provided by the publisher for review
This is a middle grade novel that packs quite a punch. From just seeing the cover you know that you’re in for quite an adventure. The illustrations in the book done by Ben Kovar truly bring the story to life and enhance the story greatly.
The story is told in multiple perspectives which does help the story along. These points of view let you know exactly what’s going on even when the characters are still in the dark. Considering the ending though I wish that there was more from a certain character’s perspective.
The mythology of the world is very well done. This is the first time I think I’ve seen trolls as being scary creatures and you know not as just having big hair and jewels in their bellies. The powers that the kids discover are also intriguing because of how different each power is and the potential that there is to have a plethora of new heroes too. Let’s just say that if you like mythology or astrology then you’ll probably want to read this book.
Dr. Hoo is the mysterious mentor of the story who just kind of storms into the kid’s lives. What the kids find out from him changes everything. You slowly learn more about him and see what his motivation for fighting the war is. I think there’s a whole lot more to learn about him and that his history will be of great importance.
All the kids are relatable and have some big personalities. I think my favorite character out of all the kids is Louise. She seems the most fun and has the coolest power in my opinion.
The war against the trolls is brutal and full of surprises. I like the many different enemies that they have. Having the whole town in danger and the trolls being almost unstoppable makes for a really entertaining read.
The ending was rather unexpected, I didn’t expect the book to go to such a dark place. It all made sense though in the whole grand scheme of them all being heroes. I just of course wish that the ending was more upbeat.
This is the start to a very promising looking series and it’ll be interesting to see what the author does next.
Check out the book trailer:
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sentence Sneak Peek - Troll Hunters by Michael Dahl
Troll Hunters by Michael Dahl
The first sentence from each chapter of Troll Hunters, it's a mini summary of what you can expect to read.
* Spoilers are highlighted like so :)
* Provided by the publisher for review
“Country Road One ran east out of Zion Falls, snaked around the north edge of the old, abandoned quarry, and then stretched east again in a straight line.”
“Less than a mile away from the Tookers’ shack, an argument was heating up in the backyard of the O’Ryan home.”
“Thora Gamble stared at the dark, calm lake water while her older brother, Bryce, stared up at the stars.”
“Pablo was breathing hard as he ran toward his house.”
“At the lake, Thora scrunched up her nose.”
“Louise!”
“Years ago, Pablo had read a thick book of Greek myths.”
“Pablo shivered.”
“Louise!”
“First, we have to get them away from the trees,” said Pablo.”
“Louise screamed and ran back to Thora.”
“Pablo fell to the grass in a crouch.”
“Pablo sat in the field next to Thora, quietly waiting for her to catch her breath after their desperate race with the trolls.”
“Pablo awoke with a start.”
“A small white rental car drove through Zion Falls just before sunrise.”
“Zac woke up in a panic.”
“From the edge of the field, Thora and Pablo could see Dr. Hoo’s house.”
“Bryce Gamble was no longer lying on the ground in the forest.”
“Mara walked confidently across the field.”
“After breakfast, Dr. Hoo led Thora, Pablo, Zak, and Louise back upstairs to the library.”
“Dr. Hoo hurried Thora, Louise, Zak, and Pablo down a long passageway that ended in a heavy metal door.”
“As the SUV disappeared down his gravel driveway, Dr. Hoo felt a cold shadow envelop his body.”
“Gun it, Zak!”
“Everyone piled out of the SUV and raced over to Zak’s parents’ car.”
“Flies.”
“The SUV bounced along the rutted driveway.”
“It doesn’t make sense,” Zak said.”
“With each step downward, Bryce Gamble found it harder to breathe.”
“In Dr. Hoo’s library, something strange was happening.”
“The troll known as Uzhk stopped at the mouth of a new tunnel that sloped downward at a steep angle.”
“Two unearthly beings skittered through the broken library window.”
“Dr. Hoo shuffled along with the other humans.”
“The tunnel angled sharply downward.”
“Dr. Hoo rose into the air over the heads of the young humans, red waves of light emanating from him.”
“Louise began to steadily glow.”
“Everyone was silent as the golden bowl began its ascent.”
“The clear, calm waters of the Zion Fally quarry usually reflected the moon and constellations overhead.”
“Slowly, Dr. Hoo lowered the golden disc onto the lake.”
“Rocks rained down on them like deadly hailstones.”
“The SUV floated in the water.”
“Louise lay unconscious on the ground at the base of the quarry cliff.”
“Out in the deepest part of the lake, the SUV’s tires were now visible above the surface.”
“Thora dropped to her knees next to Dr. Hoo.”
“Pablo coughed and grabbed his chest.”
“Pablo felt a hand turn his body over.”
“Snow dusted County Road One where a rusty school bus squealed to a stop.”
The first sentence from each chapter of Troll Hunters, it's a mini summary of what you can expect to read.
* Spoilers are highlighted like so :)
* Provided by the publisher for review
“Less than a mile away from the Tookers’ shack, an argument was heating up in the backyard of the O’Ryan home.”
“Thora Gamble stared at the dark, calm lake water while her older brother, Bryce, stared up at the stars.”
“Pablo was breathing hard as he ran toward his house.”
“At the lake, Thora scrunched up her nose.”
“Louise!”
“Years ago, Pablo had read a thick book of Greek myths.”
“Pablo shivered.”
“Louise!”
“First, we have to get them away from the trees,” said Pablo.”
“Louise screamed and ran back to Thora.”
“Pablo fell to the grass in a crouch.”
“Pablo sat in the field next to Thora, quietly waiting for her to catch her breath after their desperate race with the trolls.”
“Pablo awoke with a start.”
“A small white rental car drove through Zion Falls just before sunrise.”
“Zac woke up in a panic.”
“From the edge of the field, Thora and Pablo could see Dr. Hoo’s house.”
“Bryce Gamble was no longer lying on the ground in the forest.”
“Mara walked confidently across the field.”
“After breakfast, Dr. Hoo led Thora, Pablo, Zak, and Louise back upstairs to the library.”
“Dr. Hoo hurried Thora, Louise, Zak, and Pablo down a long passageway that ended in a heavy metal door.”
“As the SUV disappeared down his gravel driveway, Dr. Hoo felt a cold shadow envelop his body.”
“Gun it, Zak!”
“Everyone piled out of the SUV and raced over to Zak’s parents’ car.”
“Flies.”
“The SUV bounced along the rutted driveway.”
“It doesn’t make sense,” Zak said.”
“With each step downward, Bryce Gamble found it harder to breathe.”
“In Dr. Hoo’s library, something strange was happening.”
“The troll known as Uzhk stopped at the mouth of a new tunnel that sloped downward at a steep angle.”
“Two unearthly beings skittered through the broken library window.”
“Dr. Hoo shuffled along with the other humans.”
“The tunnel angled sharply downward.”
“Dr. Hoo rose into the air over the heads of the young humans, red waves of light emanating from him.”
“Louise began to steadily glow.”
“Everyone was silent as the golden bowl began its ascent.”
“The clear, calm waters of the Zion Fally quarry usually reflected the moon and constellations overhead.”
“Slowly, Dr. Hoo lowered the golden disc onto the lake.”
“Rocks rained down on them like deadly hailstones.”
“The SUV floated in the water.”
“Louise lay unconscious on the ground at the base of the quarry cliff.”
“Out in the deepest part of the lake, the SUV’s tires were now visible above the surface.”
“Thora dropped to her knees next to Dr. Hoo.”
“Pablo coughed and grabbed his chest.”
“Pablo felt a hand turn his body over.”
“Snow dusted County Road One where a rusty school bus squealed to a stop.”
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Story Time
* Please add a line to the story and determine where it goes.
Rules
1.) Only write 1 to 2 sentences
2.) Keep it clean
3.) Have fun and spread the word so the story grows
Here's the story that has formed so far:
Awesome people who have authored the story by adding lines so far:Sullivan McPig, Julie@My5monkeys, Susan Jane Bigelow, barmybex, Tiny Reverse Vampire, Man of la Book
Title: An Extraordinary Girl
Once upon a time in a time not that long ago there was a disturbance.
The cause of the disturbance was something that was well...truly disturbing. In fact it was so disturbing that at first it was quite unclear what this disturbance was, because anyone who saw it was too disturbed to talk about it.
There came a noisy unruly girl who demanded that all must obey her. She was the girl of the mayor and weird things did happen around her. Pigeons tap danced when she blinked her eyes and cockroaches would mimic her words when she spoke. Lights would go off and babies would cry when she passed.
This girl stood in the center of town, pigeons dancing, roaches waiting, lights flickering and babies crying all around. She struck her umbrella on the cobblestones. A hush fell over the town as purple sparks shot out of the tip of the umbrella and even the pigeons stopped their dancing and seemed to hold their breath.
As the astounded masses watched a massive hole slowly appeared in the middle of the street. As the dust settled it was revealed...a giant staircase leading down to complete darkness and then a faint music started to radiate from its depths.
There was such a ruckus in the town and trying to make sure that all the citizens were fine. The music coming out of the hole had a mesmerizing sound that attracted all the citizens. It was almost like children's music.
The girl grinned mischievously and whistled along with the music while she slowly descended down the hole.
The further down she went the louder the music echoed. A strange shift filled the air and a cold wind howled past causing her hair to flutter round her face, but it didn't distract her. As she confidently walked on some of the pigeons and cockroaches followed her, cautiously and trembling with fear and a sense of foreboding.
"Wait," a high, piping voice said, "there are dangers below!" One of the pigeons had spoken. This was not a terrific surprise to the girl, who did not pause in her descent." Stay above ground if you don't have the courage to follow me," she stated calmly." But I must go on. The faith of the town depends on this."
As she kept traveling downward the tone of the music seemed to change and become more insistent. Then in the distance a faint shimmering light appeared.
It glowed a dull purple at first, but then changed to a harsh, angry blue that pulsated like a frantic heartbeat that got more aggressive the closer the girl got to it.
The light was actually calling to her, and only her. She was different from everyone else in the town. It was her duty.
She edged closer with her arm out in front of her. The blue light grew in intensity until she had to close her eyes against the glare, a warmth surrounded her arm from the light and she pulled in a satisfied breath and grinned.
As more of the light enveloped her, she felt the heat spread and her body began to hum with a sense of power.
Then in her mind she began to hear a whispering chant almost as if the power knew who she was and what she had to do.
The words and the music started to sync together and then she began to speak the chant, as she spoke the discordant words the light solidified into a wooden door which slowly began to open.
The light around the door frame was still so bright it cast shadows into the room, making it impossible to see what was in there.
She slowly peeked into the room and felt so cold that there must be something not of this world in there. She slowly found the bed and sat down on it.
Then out of nowhere a dapper looking man appeared. He looked like a perfect gentleman, he even had a strange purple tophat on. Though when you looked in his eyes there was no warmth to be found and his presence seemed to suck the warmth from the room.
The man seemed to be staring straight at her but there was no recognition in his eyes, just blackness. Then he opened his mouth to speak and she felt shivers shoot up and down her spine.
His voice seemed to freeze the very air and stop all sound when he said, "I know what you're here for."
Thinking this was her job and her job alone, she wondered if he was friend or foe.
She steadied herself because she knew that if she showed any fear that he might pounce and his true form would be revealed. Her bag of tricks was pretty full though and she had the spark of an idea.
She remembered his particular fondness for word puzzles and taking a deep breath began reciting an odd sounding riddle.
In the middle of the chant he began chanting along with her, their voices rose and the atmosphere in the room grew even more tense.
The girl could have sworn she felt the very walls vibrating and the floor shaking, but she knew she couldn't stop now. If this was some sort of test she was determined to succeed.
When she finished the chant he stopped at the same time, then with a deep rumbling the floor fell away beneath them.
The pair tumbled down into the darkness, but for some reason neither one of them was scared.
They seem to fall forever, almost floating in the air. The girl held the man's hand, or was he holding hers?
The man was still chanting, while the pigeons were flying in circles around them. That is when the girl notices something that sent cold chills to her spine: the cockroaches mimicked him!
She thought everything was under control but those darn cockroaches really fouled things up.
The farther they fell the more weightless she felt and the air seemed to thicken and become colder.
The chanting continued, she glanced down and saw that they were falling quickly toward a rather large clearing that was surrounded by snow and something shadowy she couldn't quite make out.
Bracing herself for a rough landing the girl blew out a deep breath and got ready for impact. At least the snow would offer some sort of comfort, or so she thought.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Weekend Reads - Troll Hunters and Hocus Pocus Hotel
Friday, October 26, 2012
Poppy's Promenade
Poppy by Riana Lucas
* ARC provided by the author for review
4 out 5 tiara wearing bats
Nice read. Short and sweet book that is great to read in little spurts because it keeps you coming back for more. My only complaints would be that there is a slightly slow start and things are a little predictable from time to time. Once you get a bit farther into it though the story really picks up. And although you may figure out some of the big reveals ahead of time, it is still fun to see the interesting ways that they do them.
Reed is easily my favorite character. I love his personality and the fact that he’s able to bring up a playful nature even in the stuck-up Poppy. His sense of humor makes me think of a lot of different people that I know, he’s easy to relate to.
Most of the characters have a wonderful depth to them and they really seem to come off the page. The set up of the Fae realm is very interesting too. I like the magic that the fae use. It is well done and gives wonderful descriptions that help you picture it.
Seeing the change in Poppy as the story progresses keeps you pulled into the story. The cliffhanger ending had me cursing at the book and jumping to read the next which will be reviewed here soon (especially since I’ve read the first three books in the series (hope it’s not a trilogy because if it is I’m pissed.)
* ARC provided by the author for review
Nice read. Short and sweet book that is great to read in little spurts because it keeps you coming back for more. My only complaints would be that there is a slightly slow start and things are a little predictable from time to time. Once you get a bit farther into it though the story really picks up. And although you may figure out some of the big reveals ahead of time, it is still fun to see the interesting ways that they do them.
Reed is easily my favorite character. I love his personality and the fact that he’s able to bring up a playful nature even in the stuck-up Poppy. His sense of humor makes me think of a lot of different people that I know, he’s easy to relate to.
Most of the characters have a wonderful depth to them and they really seem to come off the page. The set up of the Fae realm is very interesting too. I like the magic that the fae use. It is well done and gives wonderful descriptions that help you picture it.
Seeing the change in Poppy as the story progresses keeps you pulled into the story. The cliffhanger ending had me cursing at the book and jumping to read the next which will be reviewed here soon (especially since I’ve read the first three books in the series (hope it’s not a trilogy because if it is I’m pissed.)
A Tiny Reverse Vampire Review
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Sentence Sneak Peek - Poppy
Poppy by Riana Lucas
The first sentence from each chapter of Poppy, it's a mini summary of what you can expect to read.
* Spoilers are highlighted like so :)
* ARC provided by the author for review
“I was summoned to the Unseelie King’s Throne room.”
“I make my way to my quarters to pack a small bag and gather the things I will need for the mission.”
“When I step through to the other side of the portal I am immediately assaulted with the horrible smells and sounds of the human world.”
“I close my eyes and concentrate on feeling the magic around me.”
“I decide to return to the spot where I sent my message to Damien earlier.”
“It is the middle of the night so it is dark and because of the change in atmosphere, the temperature is much cooler here.”
“Before I even open my eyes, I can feel the sun peeking through the tree tops and shining down on me.”
“The Halfling is caught off guard, not only by the sudden appearance, but also by the fact that he is not aware it is Damien.”
“My body tenses as I watch the Faery step cautiously out from behind the tree.”
“Reed?”
“Umm, Poppy?”
“Even though I am bruised and exhausted from everything that has happened over the past two days, I have a hard time falling asleep.”
“I decide to command Holly to follow us for the rest of the journey.”
“I take a step back and angle my body so that I am positioned between Reed and the Seelie Queen.”
“My senses begin to return to me, but I do not stir.”
The first sentence from each chapter of Poppy, it's a mini summary of what you can expect to read.
* Spoilers are highlighted like so :)
* ARC provided by the author for review
“I make my way to my quarters to pack a small bag and gather the things I will need for the mission.”
“When I step through to the other side of the portal I am immediately assaulted with the horrible smells and sounds of the human world.”
“I close my eyes and concentrate on feeling the magic around me.”
“I decide to return to the spot where I sent my message to Damien earlier.”
“It is the middle of the night so it is dark and because of the change in atmosphere, the temperature is much cooler here.”
“Before I even open my eyes, I can feel the sun peeking through the tree tops and shining down on me.”
“The Halfling is caught off guard, not only by the sudden appearance, but also by the fact that he is not aware it is Damien.”
“My body tenses as I watch the Faery step cautiously out from behind the tree.”
“Reed?”
“Umm, Poppy?”
“Even though I am bruised and exhausted from everything that has happened over the past two days, I have a hard time falling asleep.”
“I decide to command Holly to follow us for the rest of the journey.”
“I take a step back and angle my body so that I am positioned between Reed and the Seelie Queen.”
“My senses begin to return to me, but I do not stir.”
A Tiny Reverse Vampire Post
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
"Waiting On" Wednesday - Insurgent Collector's Edition
This week I'm waiting on...
Insurgent: Collector's Edition by Veronica Roth
Check out the description from Barnes & Noble:
"This deluxe collector's edition of the #1 New York Times bestselling dystopian sensation is perfect for fans and collectors alike, and includes:
- "Free Four": This pivotal thirteen-page scene from Divergent, retold from Tobias's point of view, reveals unknown facts and fascinating details about Four's character, his past, his own initiation, and his thoughts about new Dauntless initiate Tris Prior.
- A ribbon bookmark
- An exclusive, full-color foldout poster
- Faction tattoos
- Deckled edges
Forty-eight pages of bonus content, including interviews with Veronica Roth, playlists, faction party tips, and much more!"
Yes, I have read the original version of this book as you can see from my review here. I'm looking forward to all the extras included in this edition. Just like with DVDs, I love when books have something new or interesting in addition to the original text.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Giveaway - special edition eBook of Mr Blank by Justin Robinson
I loved the book Mr Blank as you can see from my review here.
The awesome people at Candlemark & Gleam Publishing have agreed to provide one winner with a special edition eBook of Mr Blank. In this special "Fnord Edition" - there are five hidden "fnords" in the eBook, and people who write in and tell Candlemark & Gleam and tell them where they are will be entered to win an eBook reader in a drawing in February!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Monday, October 22, 2012
Character Interview - the Narrator from Mr Blank by Justin Robinson
Bibliognome: What has been the strangest errand you’ve ever done?
Narrator: Okay, so this one time I get two jobs in a day. The first one was from the Little Green Men, telling me I have to go out and convince this abductee the UFO he saw was swamp gas or something. The second one is from the Feds, telling me I have to go out and convince this abductee this swamp gas he saw was a UFO. Here's the kicker: it's the same guy.
So I show up and do my MiB act. I'm wearing the dark suit, the shades, the pancake
makeup and I'm talking like a nearsighted dyslexic reading cue cards on a bad episode of
SNL. He buys it.
I wait an hour, wash the makeup off in a Burger King bathroom, lose the hat, and go back
to the guy's house. And this time, I do my Fed act, which is basically Dan Aykroyd on a
good episode of SNL, sort of one part Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute and one part Elwood
Blues. I'm in the same suit. I'm wearing the same shades. I wasn't in a mask either time.
And the guy totally buys it! I have no idea what the fallout of that one was, but I got paid
for both.
Bibliognome: Which society/organization do you think is the most interesting to work for?
Narrator: "Interesting" is usually a negative in my line of work, since there's nothing that grabs one's interest quite as much as a death threat. That being said, I'd probably say the Flat Earthers are my favorites, just because they're fighting a losing battle. Everyone knows the earth is round. And hollow.
Bibliognome: What exactly does V.E.N.U.S. stand for?
Narrator: Please, there are ladies present.
Bibliognome: Were axolotls your first choice to have as a pet? Did you name the axolotls, and if so, what?
Narrator: Truth be told, I always wanted a monkey, but I get enough poop-throwing at work.
I never named the axolotls, because I felt like it should be something Aztec, and my
Nahuatl really isn't up to the task.
Bibliognome: In your line of work, what have you been the most surprised by?
Narrator: The unfailing politeness of the Canadian people.
Bibliognome: What alias/name do you enjoy using the most?
Narrator: I had just seen Bubba Ho-Tep right before I started working for the Brotherhood of the Magic Bullet, so they think my name is Elvis Kennedy.
Bibliognome: Seeing as my blog’s called Bibliognome, I was wondering if you’ve ever run into any gnomes or, if you haven’t, what do you think the perfect name for a gnome would be?
Narrator: The Gnomes of Zurich aren't real gnomes, but the Knights of the Lawn are. Let's see... I'd probably call a gnome Snuggywinkle Butterpants or something.
Bibliognome: What should people be more scared of, a primordial dwarf Satanist or the Templars on a bad day?
Narrator: The Templar haven't had a good day since the twelfth century, so I'm going with Paul on this one. He's the dwarf.
Bibliognome: Are you more of a fan of cryptids now after your recent problems?
Narrator: Some are better than others. I still wouldn't invite a chupacabra over for dinner.
Bibliognome: What are your plans for the future?
Narrator: I'm thinking about lunch at the moment.
Bibliognome: Anything else that you would like to say/let people know?
Narrator: Yeah, I just wanted to thank everyone out there who hasn't tried to kill me. I want you guys to know I really appreciate it.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Top 5 Sundays - Books You Would Love to Get Signed by the Author!
Rules:
1 - Write a post listing your TOP 5 choices within the theme I chose (or was chosen on a poll) for the week.
2 - Mention this Blog on the post and link back to it.
3 - Feel free to use the Features image
4 - After you've finished your post, add your link (of the post, not your blog's main page) to the Mr.Linky at the end of that week's post.
5 – If you don’t have a blog to post, just leave your list in the comments =) Top 5 Sundays - Books You Would Love to Get Signed by the Author!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Mr Blank - My Favorite Quotes/Lines
I’ve seen Bigfoot’s W-2.
Anonymity is better than a bulletproof vest down in the information underground.
The few guys in there were so listless they made Keanu Reeves look like Samuel L. Jackson.
Never talk about religion, politics, or hate group affiliation.
Monsters are a real thing, too—although the preferred term is “cryptid,” mostly so
grown men don’t have to stand around saying “monster.”
It was like candy and I were an estranged couple that was thinking about a night of drunken sex together, but I’d just found out that candy had taken up fucking clinical test subjects for smack money.
Crotch soccer might not be honorable, but sometimes it’s the only option.
Long story short: don’t call a Templar Knight “shitbird” unless you know how to use a
broadsword.
“You’re just stuffed with rainbows and kittens, aren’t you?”
If something has a neat little bow, you can bet pesos to pantaloons it’s bullshit.”
The salesman never pitches you on how many assassins can sleep in the backseat.
That’s all well and good, but I wanted to save myself. It wasn’t like I had a vice-me that could take over in the event of my untimely death.
I was wondering if my life was flashing before my eyes, and all that was coming was
awkwardness and commercials. Hell of a life.
“You catch even more flies with a flamethrower.”
I had some office jobs, but it turned out that I’m no good in an office. I was legitimately
worried that I’d snap and kill everyone.
“Well, you are the Antichrist.”
Apparently I was getting good at spitting my martini across the room.
“You might be confusing Satan with Bizarro Superman.”
“In this business, faith isn’t so much tested as it is beaten about the head and neck with a sock full of batteries.”
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